I’ve never met a spork I didn’t like. Have you?
Wait…what did you just say? Really?
And what have sporks ever done to you besides change the face of how you thought you knew utensils were supposed to work? When was the last time your life was simplified by an idea that’s been around for over a century yet continues to surprise you each time you receive one with your mexican pizza combo at Taco Bell?
The fact of the matter is that the Spork never did anything to you that you didn’t already have coming. And if, in the process of using one, it allowed you to finish a bowl of soup and then dive right into your lasagna without skipping a beat, you owe it at least the courtesy of a pausing glance. Or a nod of appreciation. Or better yet, a home in your little drawer where you currently keep all of that unnecessary scrap metal that doubles as a less helpful version of this piece of culinary cutlery.
Look. They’re cheap, effective and infinitely useful (unlike your girlfriend). The spork is on your side. So embrace this forward-thinking technology already. And if you don’t see the value in it I’m not sure we can hang out anymore.
You should be ashamed of yourself.