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“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan

17 Jan

The Chuck Norris of the WWE, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan was a force to be reckoned with for years inside of the squared circle. With a physique similar to that of your dad’s and a patriotism unrivaled by even the the reddest of rednecks, Hacksaw made a name for himself in professional wrestling though his eternal optimism and confusing use of awkward facial expressions.

And oh, how he loved his country. In fact, I can’t think of anyone more American. Duggan used to stroll to the ring waving an American flag, used a sturdy piece of American lumber to help defend himself when he got in trouble and, some say, had apple pie filling flowing through his veins instead of blood. And, really, what’s more patriotic than apple pie?

But James Stuart Duggan was often misunderstood. Some common myths about this legend of the ring:

  • He was not the smartest (FALSE: Duggan held a degree in Applied Plant Biology)
  • He was not the most athletic (FALSE: Duggan was signed by the Atlanta Falcons after graduating college)
  • He was not successful in wrestling (FALSE: Duggan held nine different titles during his time in wrestling and even won the very first Royal Rumble)

Never mind that ol’ Hacksaw was once pulled over with his then rival, The Iron Shiek, in New Jersey after they had been partying together all night. They probably weren’t even having a good time. All the cops found in that car when they conducted a search was alcohol, marijuana and cocaine. Lame.

But the best thing about Hacksaw was his subliminal diss to every opponent before, during and after each match. I mean, who else could get away with calling his opponent a “hooooooooooo” right to their face?

Only a pimp, my friends. Only a pimp.

Check him out below on some talk show no one’s ever heard of making absolutely no sense whatsoever. I promise, it will make your life seem that much more sane by comparison.

Hacksaw on Random Talk Show

Kenan Thompson

3 Jan

I wish I knew why I like Kenan Thompson so much on Saturday Night Live.

In fact, watch as I pile-up the evidence against Kenan being a likable TV personality. Behold! Movies Kenan has appeared in up to this point in his career:

  • Good Burger
  • The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle
  • Barber Shop 2: Back In Business
  • Cousin Skeeter
  • Fat Albert
  • Space Chimps
  • Snakes on a Plane

Now, I know what you’re thinking and I agree. Snakes on a Plane was Oscar-worthy and is the only aberration on this otherwise unwatchable list of hot garbage. But my point here is there’s no reason in the world why Kenan should be funny on SNL. In fact, I’d argue that he wasn’t very funny at all for much of his early years (2003-2006) on the late night institution.

What’s that? You think SNL sucks period right now? Listen…to each his own. I don’t ask you why you still suck your thumb. But I dare you to watch the following clips from Kenan-led sketches on SNL this season and not laugh out loud at least once. Go ahead…give it a try:

Scared Straight

What Up With That?

Grady Wilson’s ‘Burning Up The Bedsheets’

Dude is funny. You have to admit it. And if not, have fun with your thumb, sucka!!! Get it?

No, of course you don’t. And the carousel keeps going round and round…